I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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