Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
