i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
