I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
