hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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