Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
