My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
