The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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