So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
