I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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