I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
