i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
