You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
