Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
