worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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