She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
