new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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