Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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