Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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