I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
