why didn't you poke me back
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
