Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
