So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
