she woke up with a sticky ear
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
