$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
