Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
