We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
pray to the hookup gods
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
