Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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