He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
