Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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