FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
