we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
