Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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