Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my vagina is haunted
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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