I will die if light touches me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize