im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
