he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
