Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
