Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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