i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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