You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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