EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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