Your tits are I can't wait for
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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