we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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