yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
