my mouth tastes like poor choices
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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