At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
