I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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