i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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