i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
