Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
