my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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