I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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