I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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