oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
