yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
