Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
