I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
