just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
