i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
