i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize