you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
