I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Alive.
So much puke
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
