Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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