Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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