he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
