That's when you crack a 10am beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
