I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
