I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
