her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
