i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
worst night to have a conscience
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize