Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
