So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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