I looked at my own cervix.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
